I hope I'll remember it next month, let alone next week

★★ 1/2 out of ★★★★

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

Runtime: 136 minutes 

MPAA: Rated PG-13 for sci-fi violence and action, suggestive material and brief language.

I recall from a few years back that my parents deemed "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets" the worst cinematic experience they had ever experienced. Having caught up with it recently, it's a visually impressive movie, and if you're talking about terrible cinematic experience, allow me to introduce to you to Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2.

"Valerian" takes place in the 28th century, in which it talks about a space station named Alpha. Over the years, it has grown in diversity and flourishes with various species, including monsters and aliens. Peace is governed by the human force, two being Major Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and his partner Sergeant Laureline (Cara Delevingne). Their latest mission from Defense Minister (Herbie Hancock): retrieve the last species of a Mül converter. They succeed and head back to Alpha, but are informed of a dark force posing a threat to Alpha. There has been a radioactive source and a site of contamination where armies of troops were sent in to investigate but never made it out alive. These creatures also attack the human base and abduct Commander Arun Filitt (Clive Owen), in search for the converter. Valerian and Laureline try to chase the creatures and discover more about them and the infected area.

The plot flow in "Valerian" is like combing a hair: We start with an event, develop and continue the scene reasonably well, then forcefully jump to the next event. It's a sporadically jarring shift that took me some time to catch up to, but by the end of the movie, the plot was already far from inexplicable. It's refreshing to know that French director Luc Besson creatively meanders the plot towards the end, instead of making it a straightforward, irresolute and predictable bore. 

The camerawork can also get a little wild sometimes. Cinematographer Thierry Arbogast zooms in to characters or action sequences that feel a little out of place, but other than the minor complaint, the camera takes many creative turns: it rotates vertically, moves quickly with the characters and offers us different view points of the fascinating creatures. "Valerian" also draws inspiration from other sci-fi movies like Star Wars, especially one scene that resembles the Millennium Falcon chasing a small and fast-moving object.

Furthermore, "Valerian" is the most expensive independent film ever made. Luc Besson financed almost $200 million for the movie, and it is worth it in a technical aspect. We see bizarre but fascinating images of a plethora of creatures, on land and underwater. It's so visually wonderful and delightfully entertaining that you'll be left amazed by the images presented in front of you. Still, it does get a little overstuffed at times, and some CGI-rendered backgrounds look rather fake.

On the other hand, the writing lets it down. What could potentially be a good movie is unfortunately dragged down by unconvincing characters and corny dialogue. From start to almost the end, Valerian's dialogue is mostly a bunch of lame jokes and one-liners, while Laureline's dialogue radiates the impression that it was machine generated. Her lines are: "I suppose since you asked for my hand, you should probably get yours back first." "We have to complete the mission, major. There's still the top-secret part to attend to. Or is your perfect memory failing you again?" In the end, Laureline's character has a human touch, while Valerian suddenly churns out the machine generated dialogue instead.

The leads are also not convincing enough. Dane and Cara's performances are quite weak, and they should have had more chemistry together. In the end, they feel like siblings to sudden lovers. The talents of Clive Owen, Ethan Hawke and Rihanna were also frustratingly misused. Rihanna appears only to dance for a while and deliver some philosophical message about life and death, Clive Owen is the main antagonist who disappears for three-quarters of the movie, and I barely remembered Ethan Hawke was in the movie. 

Ultimately, "Valerian" is definitely far from a disaster. It needs some tightening on the characters, plot cohesion, and more charisma. Other than that, watching it will probably not harm; it'll provide a fun enough diversion but may not linger for long in your head.